I’m going to a community college in a city nearby, since I kinda… flunked out of the school I was in before. On the plus side, I REALLY like the classes I’ve been taking (3D modeling) and I think I may go for some sort of animation degree.

I’ve always wondered, though, if I should get accommodations. I mean, I am autistic, after all, and I do struggle in school to some extent or another, purely because I can’t fucking manage my time. But… What can the school do about that? I don’t even know what resources are available to me because I was denied any support when I was in the public school system (partly because the school system sucks, and partly because my mom’s reaction was basically “oh, well!”)

I know I could get a note taker. I’m sure I can prove that I have dysgraphia and that I never learned to take notes. But, here’s the thing. The reason I was able to manage in school before was… basically the reason my mom never really tried to get me help. Which is, the doctor said I was so smart that I’d make up for it. Which I have. I never developed the ability to take notes even when I had something to type with because, except in math class, I never really *needed* notes. The notes I take make absolutely no sense when I re-read them later because I almost always just remember shit. So I’m not sure I really need a note taker, and that would be embarrassing anyway.

But here’s the thing. Yes, I’ve made it this far using my intelligence to make up for my disabilities.

So how far could I go with proper supports?

But, what ARE proper supports? When I was younger, my mom would constantly ask me that question. “What can I do to help you do better in school?” But I never had the answer. How could I? If I knew how to do better, I would be doing better! Sure, it’s important to include your kid in discussions about their education, but it is in NO way the kid’s responsibility to know exactly what they need. The educational discussion should not start and end with staring at your kid, expecting her pull some magical solution out of her ass right then and there, and then saying “fine, but I can’t help you if you won’t help me!”

Blaming a kid for their disabilities is NOT an educational tool.

But it’s all I’ve ever really known.

So… What IS?

Well, then.

Today, after reading blogs all day instead of doing my homework (I had a really bad headache, okay?) I decided that clearly I need a blog.

Now, this is not to say that I’m new to the world of blogging! Oh, no. I’ve had several blogs in the past, they just… Never got updated. Quite sad really. I plan to break that pattern by actually updating this one on a somewhat regular basis.

Really! I am!

Anyhow, a bit about myself. My name is Torako, or at least that’s what you’re going to know me as. There are a lot of people who are important in my life, but I need to think of codenames for them. I suppose I can just call them by their online names for now… I have a girlfriend, Neona or N30na, who is very dear to me but infinitely more 1337 than I could ever aspire to be. I have a sort-of-boyfriend, who I think goes by the names of Firefly09td or Firelife on this series of tubes we refer to as the interwebz. He is good at making videos and until recently had adorable fluffy pink hair. But he cut it off. The other important person in my life who has an online persona is Nrot/Chroniclinux, who may or may not still be considered to be dating me, I think not. We never “officially” broke up though, and given the fluid nature of my relationships (everyone loves everyone else) I’m not sure it really matters.

But about me. I am 18 years old and genderqueer, although when asked I identify myself as female and use female pronouns, so for all/most intents and purposes I am female. I am attending my freshman year of college… I am a Computer Science major and I can code at least to an extent in Visual Basic, C++, and C#. Well, and HTML but I mean, everyone knows HTML. Oh and I’ve played with CSS, and I can read Java, and I used to know a bit of ActionScript, and um… Oh, Neona once helped me write a program in bash, but it was really just “hello world” with more obscenities. Which, of course, we left up on the screen (which happened to be the television) because we’re just classy like that.

I’m getting off the subject here. Me. I’m introducing myself. Yes…

I have been diagnosed with ADD and Scoliosis, although I strongly suspect that I also have Asperger’s Syndrome, Bipolar, Depression, and possibly some form of Fibromyalgia. I also have diagnosed myself (as no doctor could diagnose it really) with BIID, or Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Basically, it means that my brain and my body don’t match up. My body is able-bodied (mostly) but my brain thinks it is paraplegic (although it’s not quite sure what level). My BIID is unusual in that most people know exactly where it is, but I don’t. I think it’s because very few people figure out what’s going on as early as I did. I have known about this since I was 16 years old.

Anyhow, that’s enough about me I think. I have class in 5 hours and should probably try to get some sleep before then. Night night!

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