I… I’m going to have a stepdad and a stepbrother. It’s official.

I’m not sure what to think of that… I mean, I knew it was coming, but just not so… right now! So! That’s… Uh… Wow.

I finally got SecondLife working, by the way. I got a wheelchair for my avatar! I really hope I can find people there who don’t hate me for who I am… Sometimes they’re hard to come by, you know. One time, I told someone on IRC what was bothering me and why “finding Jesus” or whatever he was saying wouldn’t help, and he called me creepy… That make me really sad.

I wish I could just be myself, without being afraid. But there are so many hateful people in the world who wouldn’t understand that I didn’t choose this. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t transabled, but often I realize that if I wasn’t transabled, I don’t think I’d really be me.

I’m stating the semi-obvious now… I’d better go to bed before I start stating the very very obvious — oh look, the walls are beige. There’s a dent in the wall. (Oh no, I’m already too late!)

Maybe I’ll think of a real post tomorrow, at a decent time so I’m not completely exhausted…

Analysis of my current mood

I’ve been ordered to try again on the whole “writing” thing. So, here goes.

I have a paper to write. It is very late, but the teacher says she will accept it. My mom is bugging me to write it, making me less likely to actually do so. I really WANT to write it, but the more my mom nags me the less inspiration I have.  But if I tell her that, she’ll yell at me. So I’m stuck.

Thanksgiving was… Okay. I saw a lot of my cousins, but it wasn’t as fun as past years. My cousin who I shall refer to as Ginger (due to her hair colour) used to be the reason I loved Thanksgiving. It was the only time of year I got to see her. She’s 2 or 3 years younger than I am, putting us close in emotional age (I have been pretty consistently 2 years behind in most things, from my own observations) and so we got along great. We used to play with little Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer toys, and watch movies, and every year we made a turkey out of vegetables with help from our other cousins, and we would play on the computer. We had a Millsbury account we shared (we were really cool) and when we were REALLY young (before either of us was anywhere close to puberty) we’d take a bath together. Well, over the past few years we started growing apart. When I hit puberty I didn’t change much. We were still friends. When SHE hit puberty, she changed COMPLETELY. She’s a cheerleader and wears tight trendy clothes and acts like an idiot because she thinks it’s “cute”. She has completely rejected me and my nerdy ways. We didn’t say a word to each other this year (although I tried, I asked if she wanted to play a game and she didn’t even respond). So, that was depressing.

Something that has changed recently is now my mom brings her boyfriend to Thanksgiving. He sometimes brings his son. I think I need to come up with a nickname for the son besides Stepbrother, but that will have to do for now. So, I hung out a lot with Stepbrother this year, and we played Settlers of Catan and he played his guitar. He’s cool. But I’m getting tired of spending time with people. I need time alone to recharge if I am to be at all social or productive. I was not given a single opportunity to do so all day, then my mom couldn’t understand why I was so antisocial and unproductive.

Another thing is that my back hurt a lot today. I need to stretch out to make my back comfortable, and I try to when I need it. But today when I was sitting in a comfy chair, I put my feet on the footstool so I could stretch and immediately mom’s boyfriend decided he needed the footstool and moved my feet so he could sit on it. I couldn’t lie on the floor because I’d be in the way. So I just dealt with it.

Now I am at mom’s boyfriend’s house, 3 hours from home. He lives 3 hours from my grandparents’ house. I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.

I feel like I’m going to cry.


Okay, so it’s not REALLY Thanksgiving yet, but I’m in Missouri to visit my family for it. I’m chilling with my probably-in-the-next-few-years stepbrother, my mom, and her boyfriend! And my dog. She’s staring at me. I think because stepbrother just left the room, and she’s like OMG HE’S GONE!
I should really think of something insightful to say…

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